I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.