Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.