Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.