A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.