No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

No good deed goes unpunished.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.