A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.