By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.