You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.