When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

No good deed goes unpunished.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money