I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.