Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.