No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.