I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.