A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I'm single because I was born that way.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.