I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.