My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.