My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I'm single because I was born that way.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.