Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.