I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

I'm single because I was born that way.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.