When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Sex is an emotion in motion.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.