A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.