Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?