If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.