The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Men are as faithful as their options.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.