Sex is an emotion in motion.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.