If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.