Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.