Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?