If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'