Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.