You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.