In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments