I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.