I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.