My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.