I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I'm single because I was born that way.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?