I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Women are made to be loved not understood.