I drink to make other people more interesting.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.