Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.