Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.