I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.