If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.