Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.