You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.