Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.