I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.