You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.