I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.