Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?