I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.