Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.