Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.