Last year I sang for the Queen of England, met the president of the United States, and got an Emmy and a star on The Walk of Fame. And what did I do? I was just being myself.

In the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too) those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed

A life not lived for others is not a life.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

In every tragedy, an element of comedy is preserved. Comedy is just tragedy reversed.

Do what's right for you, as long as it don't hurt no one

The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.

Not all things are to be discovered; many are better concealed.

In the end, everything is a gag.

Live for yourself and you will live in vain;Live for others, and you will live again.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Don't be concerned others not appreciating you. Be concerned about your not appreciating others.

I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those that got there first.

Hard work, disciplined habits, modesty in living, contentment and cheerfulness.

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all.

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.

One doesn't recognize the really important moments in one's life until it's too late.

Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is life itself, it is an insane way to live.

Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry.