Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.