I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.