I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.