Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.