There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.