You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.