I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.