I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.