Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.