Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.