Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.