I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
No good deed goes unpunished.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.