Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.