And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.