Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.