I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.