I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.