An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.