If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.