I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.