If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Men are as faithful as their options.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.