The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.