Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.