In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!