I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.