It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.