To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
No good deed goes unpunished.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.