If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.